Tried and Failed

Tonight is the last for the camper to be up. We'll put it down tomorrow because it's supposed to rain Friday. Alex knew about the camper being up, he knew tonight was the last night, he was invited to camp out sometime this week, but he never followed through.

Of course, I was a bit upset when he never contacted me about camping out. It shouldn't have been a surprise though. I was sitting outside kinda waiting for him to show up ready to camp out, but he never came.

This is going to sound stupid to most of you probably....

I was upset, and I just closed my eyes and started talking to God. I said I knew that I am in a toxic "relationship" with Alex and that I need out. I asked Him to help me get out of it, and I also asked to help Mom with the house hunting. I want to get out of here. I need to get out of here.

After talking to God, I felt (and still feel) better. The camping thing this week was my only attempt this summer to try and be friends with Alex again, and it didn't work. So that's it, I'm done. I take comfort knowing I at least have tried (over and over again) to be friends with him.

The sad thing is, I don't think he really realizes how much he's hurt me over the last couple years.



Please don't leave any comments saying that you're sorry or anything like that. I don't need to hear that. I feel even better after writing this.

:)

I don't know... :\

Soooo....

I was talking to a fellow blogger and he said that it's not really necessary to treat Alex like I do.

(ie. not talking to him unless I have to, and even then showing little interest in what he says (which is usually nothing important anyway), kinda avoiding him, etc.)

He suggested maybe it's time to start building up a friendship with him again. Well, I dunno... I *guess* I would like that, but don't really know if it's a good idea. I feel silly for even asking >.<

Do you think it'd be worth it to try to fix it at this point? I've probably asked this before but I don't remember.

I don't know because: Our past history for one, it'd be awkward talking to him again, and he hasn't made any attempt to restart the friendship so I dunno if he would even be willing or w/e

I dunno... what do you think?

(I feel so weird for asking this for some reason :\ As I write this I'm starting to feel it's not such a good/worthwhile idea.)