As Suspected / School Stuff

As suspected, Dillon and I will not be meeting today because he has to "help a friend." This sounds like another BS excuse to me.

I don't get why he keeps doing this. He's still posting what I call "moody" Facebook statuses like the one I talked about before (the most recent being how he can't wait for summer so his life is "back to normal"), so he's still going through some problems which I suspect is what is stopping him from meeting me. He's not really the type to purposefully lead someone on and then ditch them.

Anyway, I can't keep going through this every week so I think it's time I just stepped back for awhile and (hopefully) let him get over whatever it is he needs to get over.

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Now, on a more important note...

Two weeks ago I was inducted into Phi Theta Kappa, the honors society for two year colleges, so school is going pretty well. Next week is a short week with only one class on Thursday and the rest cancelled due to Maundy Thursday (or Holy Thursday), and no classes on Good Friday. That, however, is all I get off for Easter. Not much of a break... But after Easter there will only be 4 weeks of school left; 3 of classes and finals week. So I am almost done!

I have also been accepted to the local university here that is within a half hour away. Unlike my current school, they actually have an LGBT student organization AND a commission for LGBT affairs as part of their student government.

I mentioned I would apply to other unis, including Georgetown, but I decided not to even bother since I was 90% sure I would pick the local one anyway. I've never been one who liked being away from home very long, so this will be a good stepping stone before I get pushed out the door by my parents :P (metaphorically of course).

Well after not really talking to me for a little over a week, Dillon texted me tonight. We didn't talk about whatever he was going thru last week. I am quite nosey, but I didn't want to bring it up either since someone told me you're not supposed to discuss past love interests with potential new love interests.

Once again he expressed interest in meeting up this Friday. Since he always talks about meeting up over the weekend at the beginning of the week and then changes plans sometime during the week, I didn't give an answer but instead told him to ask me again on Wednesday or Thursday. Hopefully by then he'll have his plans straight.

I have to admit though that my reaction is basically, "here we go again...."

We'll see....

Based on Facebook and Twitter snooping, I have theorized that Dillon has not yet gotten over his last boyfriend. This would explain why he seems hesitant to meet someone new, I think. I don't know why, but it is hitting him kinda hard right now. He posted a depressing status update on Facebook just a little bit ago:

I don't want this pain anymore. Please take it away. The only person that could probably doesn't want anything to do with me. I get it. I really do. I'd go to the end of the world and back just to have you in my arms one more time. I promise I won't mess up this time. I promise. You just can't see the pain I go through... Goodnight. Not a good night for me...

Assuming I'm right about my theory (that post is a big clue), is there anything I can do as a friend to maybe help him through this?

I hate seeing people hurting like that :(

More on Dillon

After Dillon's bullshit excuse to not meet up with me a few weeks ago, I didn't think I'd hear from him again, but a couple days later we had a little talk about boyfriends. I told him I didn't know if I wanted one right now or not since it is (scary) new territory for me, and I admitted I was kinda afraid to meet him since I didn't know where it would lead. And he responded, "Yeah. I know. I do kinda miss a boyfriend, but I am kinda weird so I dunno if you'd even like me."

FYI: We have never even talked about liking each other, though he did say once that he had a crush on me. That's the second time he has floated the idea of us being boyfriends. I just want to be friends for now since I haven't even met him yet so he seems to be one step ahead.

Anyway, I told him he might now like me either (he doesn't know I have Bell's Palsy) and said we'd never find out until we actually meet lol. The next day he said he wanted to meet up that weekend (two weekends ago), but he got stuck being a Designated Driver for his brother. So then last week he said he wanted to meet up again that weekend (last weekend now). I jokingly said, "that's what you said last week," and he said, "this week I mean it." That was last monday, so fast forward to Friday. We were supposed to meet up but then he decided, more or less at the last minute, that we was going to hang out and spend the night at a girl friend's house because he hasn't seen her in awhile. I let him know that I was disappointed and whatnot but I didn't get angry about it (something I've learned is not a good thing to do), and he apologized twice.

Other than that I haven't talked to him since then. I texted him last night but I think it was after his bedtime because he didn't respond. I thought he might have responded first thing this morning, but he didn't. I'm hoping he texts me after school. Since he first cancelled the "date" he planned a few weeks ago, we haven't been texting as much as we used to. He used to send me "good morning" texts and stuff but hasn't after what happened a few weeks ago, so I started sending them and we'd talk for a little bit in the morning before he went off to school. I haven't been awake in the early morning lately to send them to him.

All through this he calls me "hunny" and "babe" which is kinda weird I think. Maybe that's because they're tradition pet names for girls :P

Anyway, since we're talking less and less I think this will all eventually fizzle out. Which is what usually happens...

I gotta run to my last class of the day, and then go home and make beer bread for tomorrow.

Later, gators.

Dillon

Hello people who still read this :P

About a year or so ago I started talking to a guy on Grindr, the gay app thing for smartphones. We didn't really talk all that much at first apart from the random "hey how are you?"s. But shortly after Christmas we started talking more regularly and even exchanged phone numbers and added each other on Facebook. After a month of talking nearly every day we started talking about meeting up. I should mention he lives in the same city as Mom and where I go to school.

So anyway, we were talking about meeting up, but every time something would come up on my part that would prevent us from doing so. This went on for about four weeks. Finally last week we set up solid plans for Friday (yesterday). We were going to go out and run some errands he had to do, meet up with one of his friends and her boyfriend at the mall for a little bit, then he and I would go to the movies. He had everything all planned out and seemed pretty excited about it the few days leading up to Friday.

But then he sent me the following text messages a few hours before we were supposed to meet up. He's in white, I'm in green:

I still don't understand it. I think it's a bullshit excuse so there must be another reason he doesn't want to even meet up anymore. Being how I am I immediately assumed it was because of me. But then after thinking about it awhile I realized he wouldn't have planned out the whole day if he knew he wasn't going to go thru with it.

So I think maybe he got scared because he's like me: not really sure if he wants a relationship with someone yet. That is exactly how I feel. In fact, I was really nervous for weeks about meeting him because I wasn't sure where it would go and what it would lead to. I don't know if I'm ready to step out of my shell and get into a relationship with someone. Over the last couple years I've wanted it, but now that I came so close to it I'm starting to realize how much I like being single. It's not as nerve-racking.

So I'm just wondering if he feels the same way. I let him know at the end of the texting conversation I posted most of up above that I'd be around if he changed his mind. He just said "okay" and that was the end of it. I'm hoping after a few days something will change, or at least I hope we'll continue to talk to each other.

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I've recently become obsessed with The Phantom of the Opera thanks to an assignment for music class that had us pick a musical and one song from the musical and present it to the class. Dad recommended Phantom and this was my choice: