Slightly Modified Plan, Comments, College.

Okay, so here is the new plan for tomorrow:

Dad takes me up to school, hopefully ahead of the buses, and we go into the office. There we'll find out if anything has changed. If not, then we'll withdraw me right then and there, go home and contact the cyber school. If things have changed, then I assume we'll work on a new schedule of classes.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Now, let me take this time to respond to a few comments on the last post.

@ Bob:

I think I told you this when we were talking the other day, but I'll put it on here for everyone else to see too. Yes, I can enroll in the cyber school. It's just like a regular public school; you can enroll anytime, and there are no requirements to enter.

@ NG:

I don't want the attempt to get me back into this school to fail. I was actually getting excited about it before we had the first meeting with the guidance counselor last week. We all agree, even you said it I think, that it is dumb to enroll me as a junior in one school while I'm already a senior in another.

@ NG, Torchy!, Steevo:

I don't get how I'm supposed to fight this, assuming they still don't have that transcript tomorrow. I mean, if they don't have it then they don't have it. Fighting it now would just be a waste of time and an interruption to my education.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Okay, now on to college, or uni as the foreigners say.... I think.... Oh forget it, I'll just say post-secondary education :p

I keep floating back and forth between interests, and it's time to decide. Here are three main the interests I keep floating between:

1. Ship's officer (also called mate).
2. Naval architect.
3. Architectural drafter.

Currently, I'm back at interest No. 1.

I requested more information from The Great Lakes Maritime Academy a few days ago. This is probably where I'll go if I choose to do this career. If you are interested, I'd be doing the Deck Officer Program. Also, if you're interested, watch this video.

Here are classes I'd be taking, and their descriptions.


I'm all excited about that ^ now, but let's see if I get through high school first :p

Another Dream AND Some Other Things

Last night around 10ish, I decided to go for a run with the dogs.

*Gasp*

Me? Exercising?

Lol

I took Skylar first. We ran from the boat to the road and back 5 times (Dad says thats about 100 feet each way). Then I got chubbs and ran the same thing. It didn't last long, but it really helped clear my head of all the things I was thinking about yesterday.

Afterwords, I got the idea to wake up at 5am this morning and walk up to the church and back (the long ways of course). Dad says the way I planned to go would be about a mile or more.

I set my phone to go off at 4:45.

Once 4:45 came around and the alarm went off, I was ready to get up and go. Then I noticed it was a little dark outside still. So I made the mistake of hitting the snooze button. Five minutes later, the phone went off again. Again, I hit the snooze button. Every five minutes up until 5am, I hit the snooze button. Once at 5, I was too tired to get up. So I reset the alarm to go off at 8am.

Somewhere between 5 and 8, I had this interesting dream. I don't remember how it started, so I'll just skip to the good parts :D

Somehow, Alex and I were in my room behind a closed door...

...OMG, this sounds so weird now...

Anyway, he was dressed only in underwear lol. Eventually, we both started rubbing each other and kissing.

Then we get interrupted...

...by the evil queen from Snow White ffs!

I guess she took Dad's place. She was making pizza, but she kept calling it lasagna (oddly enough, it looked like the same pizza Mom brought last week. Also I ate lasagna the other day).

Anywho, Alex and I hid under the covers on my bed. There we gave each other handjobs. We ended up cumming at the same time lol.

After we got done, we both locked ourselves in the bathroom and cleaned up. Then before he left, I asked

"Did you do all this because you like me? Or because you're just horny?"

He answered, "Just because I was horny." Then he left. That's when I woke up.

Gah!

Can't he even like me in my dreams ffs!!!!????!!!!


Okay, enough about that.

Today in church, I stuck my hand down my pants.

^_^

I didn't do anything while it was down there. My hands were just cold lol.

Oh!

I forgot to tell you.

Yesterday, I sent a text message to all my old friends whos' numbers I have. It said, "Thought you'd like to know that I'm seriously considering coming back to [enter city name here] for my senior year."

Some time after, I was just looking at my sent messages. I realized that I had accidently sent that text to Alex too!

:\

I actually wasn't going to tell him cos I don't really know what to say to him if he askes.

He didn't say anything about it in church today so...

Well, I think that is all I have to report for now.


Btw

Someone asked in the comments, so I guess I should also report that nothing has been done about the neighbor's animals yet.

Taking a Break

First I'll answer Col's comment here since he left it while I was typing this.

He asked if I had heard anything from Alex yet after giving him the skates.

Well, like my Twitter says, I was outside for the better part of the evening. For 3 hours or so I think. I took my model stuff out and tinkered around with that for a bit. This is my real model I'm talking about. Not the 3D ones.

I was busy rigging one of the funnels (or smokestacks). It's exactly like threading a needle. I spent 5 minutes just getting the rigging (which is actually string) through the small hole on the funnel. Then I had to use tweezers to pull it the rest of the way. I got 3 out of 6 done when Alex skated past. He shouted, "HEEEYY!!" I was so focused on my model that him shouting startled me. I jumped a little and accidentally dropped the funnel. At which point all the rigging came loose.

-_-

After shouting 'hey' he (still skating on the road) asked, "You working on your model?"

"No. I'm just looking at it." I said slightly annoyed.

"Oh, well I couldn't tell if that's what it was or not." Then he skated off.

Then awhile later I saw him, his sister, and their parents going up to the ball park. There was a game, but none of them were playing.

I stayed out until 9:30, hoping Alex would ask me to go over and sit outside with him, but no such luck. He was too busy hanging around his other friends. It was cold out last night anyway.



Okay, now on to the whole reason for this post.

I need to take a break from blogging and focus more on my school stuff now that finals are approaching. We are starting to get really busy with things.

So I need to keep my mind focused on that instead of on stuff around here.

So that means:

No blogging, or reading other blogs.

No chatting online to ANYONE. I won't even be logged in to my IM or Skype

No emailing anyone from around here. I won't be logged into that either.

No 3D modeling.

No {Enter Other Distractions Here}


I may still update my Twitter occasionally if anything important is going on.

The max time that I will be gone is until June 12th. That is the last day of school for me. I don't know if I'll be busy that whole time or not, so I could be back sooner.

And don't worry. I will be getting plenty of fresh air while I'm working. Ahh, the beauty of wireless internet access.

^_^

In fact, after I get dressed today, I'll be taking my laptop outside to enjoy the 80°F weather (in the shade of course).


Okay, I think that about covers it.

So until next time...

Peter


P.S.

I had this nightmare last night. OMG it was awful!!

Alex and a friend of his (not a real life friend, just one made up in the dream) were staying at my house for some reason. They were sleeping in my room...in my bed....together.

Well anyway, I was spying on them (I like to spy on people lol). And I saw them masturbating together!!!

OMG!!!

It was awful!

Horrible!!

Horrid!!!

I can't imagine a dream more scarier than that! Well, except if it was with....

....a....

...GIRL!!

AHHH!!!!

lol

Okay, I gotta get dressed now and get to work.

See ya later!

I've Got an Idea: Part II

So like I told you, the plan I had earlier in the week fell through. For more than one reason, none really because of Alex.

The Pens won the game, so that means there will be other chances to have a pizza party. Since Alex DID reply to my invite (see this post), I guess he was at least somewhat interested in doing it.

I was also thinking that maybe I could invite Alex to go out and eat pizza for his birthday. I'm not sure if he'll go for that since he's turned down all my other invites to actually go out and do something.

I don't know. Just some ideas that I'm thinking about. Let me know what you think or whatever.

Also, I posted two Myspace things earlier today. Apparently they are getting annoying now, and they make Mboys 200th post seem innocent or whatever was said in the comment on the last one.

Going Into More Detail...

On the last post, J asked why I live with Dad rather than Mom, and why am I cyber schooled.

I've given part of the answer to those before, but now I guess I'll go into more detail about it all.

A couple years ago, Dad had health problems relating to his heart and all that stuff. I don't pretend to understand all that stuff so I can't really give you any more info about it. Besides that all happened before I came on the scene anyway.

My brother who was currently still living with Dad at the time was getting ready to move out when all this happened. Dad became very concerned about living alone with these health problems. He is home 90% of the time since he doesn't really have to go anywhere for his job. He is also getting up there in his age (mid 60s). My brother decided to stay instead of moving out. That temporally solved the issue.

That summer (2007), I spent practically the whole time at Dad's (this was before he had his health probs). This was mainly because I was seeing Alex all the time. Whenever I had to leave and go back home (this was before I lived here remember), he would always ask when I was coming back. I already liked Alex since way before this time. But it was this summer that the feelings started getting a whole lot stronger. So much so that I was visiting Dad's a whole lot more than normal.

When school started, I went back to Dad's every holiday break. Even the little three day weekends. It was Christmas/New Years break (2007/08) that changed everything for me. It was the longest break of the school year, and the longest time I was able to do things with Alex since summer.

When it came time to go back home whenever break was about over, I didn't want to. I even started to cry. Now I hardly ever get emotional, so if I cry then you know something is seriously wrong.

These were my reasons for coming back here:

1. I never did anything with any of my friends outside of school. I went to a few birthday parties, but that was pretty much it as far as I can remember. I never saw any of them during the summer or anything like that.

2. I was also alone on the weekends and whenever there was a break that I didn't go to Dad's.

So I pretty much just sat at home in front of the TV most of the time.

3. I like where I live better. It's a nicer community, I have more contact with people here than I did before.

4. My brother was working 12 hour shifts so he wasn't with Dad much. I guess this reason is just an excuse that presented it self at the time and I took advantage of it. It was a viable reason then, but I guess I just used it (and still do) to hide probably the number one reason I came back here.

5. Alex is here. I had strong enough feeling for Alex that I decided to move back here for him.

When you look at it, I guess it was the worst decision I could have made. I had 76 people I considered a friend in my grade alone where I used to live. I dropped them all for 1.

Wow

I should become a case study of how love blinds you and makes you do stupid things.

Anyway, this is getting off the original topic of this post I think.

After I moved back with Dad, Mom also moved back to our city. So right now, there is no point to living with her rather than Dad because I'd still be here.


The other question (if you've forgotten) was why I'm cyber schooled.

This post is getting a bit long, so I'll just give you the short answer. It was something I wanted to try because there were more cons than pros about going back to the local school. Plus with my school, I get a lot more class options than with a regular "brick and mortar" school.

For instance, I have a lot of 3D design courses available to me. If you know me, than you know I love that stuff. So that is a huge advantage to me. There are also a lot of clubs available, as well as other things that a normal school can't offer for whatever reason.

When Mom looked at the cyber school and compared it to other cyber schools as well as the local school, she agreed that it was the best choice. Usually you don't get teachers who agree with cyber schools. She does.


So there's my answers.

This was kinda hard for me to write. A lot of things to think about for me. Lots of emotion too.

From my POV anyway.

Hope this wasn't too long. Apparently Bob doesn't like long posts :p

My Afternoon With Alex

Okay, this is going to be one post, but with two parts to it. The first part WAS where I beg for more question. The second part is about my afternoon with Alex.

I WAS going to beg for more questions. I even had a couple of paragraphs written. But while I was proofreading this post, Josh asked a WHOLE BUNCH of pervy questions. I think he covered just about every question possible lol. But I will still take whatever question you want to ask.

BTW, whatever questions I do end up with will be answered after the weekend.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Alex sent me a txt msg this afternoon while I was busy killing kittens. He asked if I was home. I replied, "Maybe. Why?" He asked if I wanted to come over with the skates. It's a hard choice between finishing masturbating, which I had just started doing, or going over to Alex's. Well, I chose the latter.

While Alex was putting the skates on, he was telling me about something that happened while they were at the hockey game. He was talking slowly with breaks between each word. He was saying, "I...was...coming...out...of...the-" I finished the sentence by adding, "...closet?" He just looked at me and smiled then went on with the story. BTW, the word he was going to say was "bathroom."

If you look at my Twitter; you'll see a post that says, "There is some drunk guy down the road making sounds like he's having an orgasm." After we heard this guy making all these moaning noises; I said, "I think he needs a tissue now."

Then I said to him, "Guess what the sermon is going to be about on Sunday." He said, " I don't know. What?" Obviously joking I said, "It's going to be about how everytime a person masturbates God kills a kitten." He laughed and said, "And everytime God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion." I just rolled my eyes and laughed. I hate Chuch Norris jokes. lol

Then I went on to say the same thing I said in the last post, "I'm surprised in the ten years I've been doing it that cats are still around." He laughed and we went on to joke about my brothers cat dying the next time I do it. Then I told him that he interrupted me while I was doing it when he asked me to come over. I added, "It's okay because I already did it twice today."

He laughed and said, "Are you like a smoker? You can only go a short amount of time without doing it?" Of course I said yes. lol

Umm I guess that about covers it. Oh, and he told me and his sister (after her and their mom got back from school) that Annoying Friend is grounded for getting 5 days in ISS (In School Suspension). So I guess he won't be around for the weekend.

Well, that's all I have to report on Alex.

It has been hot all day. It's 11:30 p.m. right now and it's STILL hot (I don't have AC). A really good night to be out camping :)

After I had that dream the other night, I really want to go camping with Alex now :D Oh, and I don't mean just because of the sexual stuff. I do really enjoy camping. Even if it is just in the back yard. lol

I think I'm going to ask Alex if he wants to do that again this summer.

Now if you comment on this part of the post, YOU HAVE TO ASK ME A QUESTION! And make it a good one too ;)

And don't forget that you can always post the questions anonymously if you feel too embaressed to ask them using your real name *cough Col cough*

Another Response to a Comment

Don't worry. It's not a bad comment or a nasty response. I'm just responding like this because I want everyone else to see it, and read it. And comment if you want.

Okay, here we go:

Robert said...

I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now, and while I am sorry for you in that you find yourslef on a continuous roller coaster, I have to say it is a ride of your own devising.

I am nearly 60, I have taught in public and private schools for the past 30 years. I have degrees in mathematics and a doctorate in physics, and I have coach young men's athletics for the same amount of time. I have been in a loving relationship with my partner for 35 years. So I understand both relationships and teenaged boys Peter, and your blog is informative not so much for what you say, as for what you do not say.

Peter, where are your other friends? Why do we never read about things you do, other than build models of the Titanic, watch television, play on the computer, and sit and gaze out of your window hoping for a sight of Alex?

In this area I have to agree with several other commentators here, in that your cyber school is making your introversion and self-absorption much worse. Teenagers need the interaction with their peers for many reasons, not least of which is the socialization skills you are going to need as an adult.

Peter, forgive the bluntness of an older gay man, but is it possible Alex sent you the letter because he, himself, did not want to be the one to break the chain, and that he thought you were the only person he knew who is nerdy enough to actually pass it on to someone else? He is shifting responsibility onto you, but not for the reason you had hoped for.

I think you are beating yourself to death over Alex and a relationship that is never going to happen. Reading back through what you have written, I now believe the sex you shared with Alex was a very passing thing on his part. Most adolescent boys go through an experimentation event with another boy or boys. I think that is what Alex was doing with you. Alex tried it on for size, realized it wasn't what he wanted, and moved on. Now Peter, it is time for you to move on.

I was very disturbed by your reaction to Alex's other friends. Adolescent boys have a pack mentality Peter. He is not going to leave those other boys because you do not like them.

When Alex teased you by looking at your erection in your trousers, or sticking his finger into your ear, or tapping your privates with his hockey stick, he was signaling that you were ok as his friend, and he knows about your orientation, and that your orientation is acceptable; and that is all those things meant. Those were not come-ons to you.

Peter, be reasonable here, please. You live across the street from each other. He knows what you want. He knows about masturbation and sex and how pleasurable those activities can be. If he wanted what you are offering, he would have taken you up on your offer.

Now, the part you will least like to read. I have read the reasons behind the switch to cyber school, and while they may have served as escuses for transferring, they are not the real reasons you are afraid of regular public school. Peter, I do not know the real reasons behind the faux reasons, but I urge you to confront those fears and defeat them before they defeat you. Please do not write a counter-comment and say I know nothing about cyber schools. in the past you have responded very snidely to advice that has gone against what you want to hear, and that is not a mature thing to do. I happen to know a great deal about cyber school, and in my experienced professional opinion cyber school is where loners go to hide.

This will be difficult for you to read Peter, and I am sorry for that. I have seen too many boys in too many classrooms not to understand that when some of them come looking for sympathy what they really need is a swift kick in the ass.

Peter, if I were not concerned for you, believe me I would not have taken the time to comment here.

RGF

April 22, 2009 9:45 AM

Hmm well, I'll try to address the main points in each paragraph starting with the first one.

Thanks for reading, and welcome!

Doctorate of physics huh? I'll have to take physics next year and again in college for my particular degree.

Where are my other friends?

Which ones? I have friends younger than me, my age, and older than me. The young ones are right here and so are most of the older ones. The ones my age live close to 45 minutes away. Not to mention all the online friends I have.

Just because I don't write about anything else doesn't mean I don't do anything else. That's why I got a Twitter account so you can know what I'm doing without me having to make a blog post about it. I just have to update it more often. I am going to go to school with Mom to see my old friends next week. Maybe.

I know how to socialize. And it's not like I've been doing cyber school my whole life. I've only been at it for a little over a year now.

Actually, he knows that I never send forwarded messages on to anyone else.

Of course it's time to move on. I've already said that before. However, it is a lot easier said than done. Besides, every time I do try to move on, something happens that pulls me back.

Who says I want him to leave them to do things with me? Is it too much to ask though that when I'm already there I don't want anyone else to show up (except his sister. She's ok)? I mean, I'm finally doing something with him outside of church. I don't really want anyone else to show up and ruin it.

I'll skip the next two paragraphs because I really don't know what to say to them. Other than that everyone else on here seems to be divided on the whole is he into me? thing. I got an email from a reader who doesn't comment. He said he thinks Alex really likes me, but is at conflict with himself to admit it (or something like that). And then there are some here who say he doesn't even like me at all. So we have each end of the spectrum covered, as well as everywhere in between. I personally don't know what to think. So I just go with the flow.

The only thing I was afraid of in a "normal" school was changing in the locker room. lol

There must be an awful lot of loners in the world. I read I news story awhile ago that said more and more student are choosing cyber schooling. If I can find that news article somewhere, I'll post the link. There was another one that listed cyber school as an up and coming thing that might become the way of life for most people eventually. Twittering was listed on there too. lol

I'm not looking for sympathy from anyone on here. If you want to sympathize for me than great, but that's not the reason I write this blog. A swift kick in the ass? That sounds like Gen. Patton talking. lol

Well, I hope that wasn't a "snide" counter-comment.

3D Model - New Version

New Version:






Titanic model which I've just restarted on.

Once I get all the identical parts built onto one model, I will copy the original into two other models and create all three Olympic Class Liners (Olympic, Titanic, and Britannic).



The Poseidon model is almost my own creation. Except for the basic design of the ship and the name of course. It is not 100% identical to the ship in the movie. I have had to use my "artist license" on this model.

The Titanic model is drawn completely from blueprints and other plans.

Part III

Awhile after I got back from getting my hair cut, Alex sent me a message saying, "You should bring those [skates] back over."

I replied, "Yeah maybe."

After a few minutes he said, "Well... Are you?"

"I don't know. Every time I do an idiot shows up."

"I don't think anyone is coming back."

"Fine, I'll be over in a minute. But I'm not in the best of moods now."

So I went over with the skates. As soon as I got there he asked, "So, why aren't you in a good mood."

I asked sarcastically, "Why do you think?"

"Because of Annoying Friend." He obviously didn't say 'Annoying Friend" lol

I just flashed my eyebrows up and down quickly indicating a 'Yes' answer.

So he tried to skate around for a little bit. Then he asked if I wanted to go inside. I said, "I guess." So we went in and down to his basement. He got a Wii for Easter so he started playing a hockey game on it. I just sat there and watched...like the good old days.

After the first period on the game was over, he put the controller down. Then he stuck his hand down his pants to "adjust" himself. After he was done I said, "Feel better?" He said with a smile, "A little bit."

Then his mom called down for him to start the dryer or something. When he came out of the laundry room he called my attention towards him. I looked as he was walking toward me...with his hand back down his pants, grinning.

I said with a big grin on my face, "Feel better now?" He again said, "A little bit."

I though about saying, "Would you like some help?" But I decided not to. Then I got thinking that I would say that if he did it again, but he didn't.

After a little bit more of me watching him play virtual hockey, I had to come home to eat dinner. He has baseball practice at 6 p.m., so I doubt I will see him any more today.

I haven't gotten around to reading the comments on the last two posts yet, so if you told me to do something when I saw him next, well I didn't do it. :p

I'm in a good mood again btw. Up the hill on the roller-coaster again. :\

Peter's Lawn Care

Since grass cutting weather is coming and since I don't have a job, why not start a lawn care service?

I'm a total amateur at this, but I do know how to operate a mower. There aren't any other lawn care services so I won't have any competition except from those who like to mow their own yards.

Dad likes the idea (probably because it will get me out of the house), and says he knows some people who are always looking for mowers, such as the fire station and an old cemetery.

For those people who like to mow their own yards:

Most people go on vacation right? Well if it's a long vacation (a week +) then who is going to mow their yard?

ME!

Dad says I should charge $10 per hour. Most of the yards here will only require a little over an hour to do. The nice thing is that you have to cut every week. So if I get five customers, that's $50 a week (assuming it only takes an hour). There are usually 4 weeks in a month, so that's a total of $200 a month. Times ~5 months that's $1,000 (The " ~ " means "about" for those who don't know that). That may not sound like a whole lot to you people with jobs, but to me that's a lot!

Of course it doesn't end their. When the seasons change, why not rake leaves too? Or shovel snow? Or after the money starts to accumulate, I can get more equipment and start doing other things too. For instance, I could start trimming hedges/bushes/trees, or plant flowers/trees/bushes/hedges/etc. The 'business' would then be turned into a landscaping business instead of a lawn care one. If that happens then that means more money.

Of course I can't do it all alone. Someone will have to help me. Alex knows how to operate a tractor so he is a good candidate. His dad also knows a lot of landscaping things. I'll have to see if Alex would be interested. His mom wouldn't mind the idea I'm sure. She will probably convince him to do it.

Having a partner means splitting the income though.

-_-

Don't forget to read and comment on the other post I wrote today too.

Oh, and I will be using my logo as the logo for my lawn care business. Dad says I should change the colors from red and white to green and white.

This was going to be a comment...

...but I decided to make it a post instead. It's mainly in response to Col's comment on the last post.

I completely forgot to mention that today is Palm Sunday and we have a pancake breakfast after church (as I said in the last post).

Alex helps with making the pancakes, sausage and eggs. They start making them at like 7 am and continue all through church. So Alex wasn't able to sit with me during church.

He and I also take up the offering (aka collecting the money from people). He didn't even come out to do that. He didn't even tell me he couldn't help. I guess the pancakes were more important. Anywho, his little sister was nice enough to help after her mother told her too.

So there is always tomorrow to talk or whatever. I'm not sure I really want to though. I just don't know what to do now. I just have mixed feelings.

:\

And yes Col, this has been one heck of an emotional roller-coaster recently.



Random fact: I had a dream about an iPhone last night.

wtf?