Hey!
It was really nice over the weekend! Spring time temperatures and sunshine :) On Friday, Dad asked me to wash the cars since they were covered the usual layer of winter yuckiness. Actually, we went down to the town car wash first. It has two stalls and one was occupied already. As we were going down the alley towards the car wash, some lady pulled into the unoccupied stall lol. So we decided that we'd wash them at home rather than wait around.
Anyway, it was about 3:15 when I started washing my car. At 3:30 the school bus dropped Alex off. About five minutes later he came out and played hockey in his driveway. Soon after, he shot the hockey ball into the neighbors (his neighbors, across the street from me) yard. As he passed me to get it, we made eye contact. He said sarcastically,
"Don't give me that look!"
"What look?"
"That look of disappointment"
I was a little confused by that so I faked a laugh and went back to washing the car :P
I didn't know whether I should have or not, but when I was done washing the cars I was going to go over to hang out with him. But before I got done washing Dad's car his parents came home from work and they all left shortly thereafter.
I wonder if he wouldn't have been out to play hockey if I wasn't out washing the car? He doesn't sit with me in church anymore because my brother, his wife and daughter have been coming lately and there isn't room for all of us in the pew. Consequently, we don't really get to even say hi to each other anymore which is why I might have gone over while he was playing hockey.
So anyway, just a little update on recent Alex related happenings.
10 comments:
Well, he's a neighbor and seems to consider himself on speaking terms with you, so I suppose no harm in hanging out. But I can't figure out what he meant by what he said to you, especially if you weren't disappointed. Maybe he imagined you'd be disappointed? Well, no big deal.
I guess you need to talk to the guy more to see where his head is at. It would be nice if you can find a real gay guy though(they come in all types!)so you don't have to play head games. I remember well the guys like Alex and the guessing game about sexuality cos so many guys did a good job of hiding it (until the divorce lol). When I met an actual gay guy for the first time it was like a breath of fresh air; I could actually be myself and feel 'normal'. If Alex is showing passionate interest in girls and gfs then give it up. A guy's body language around girls is the dead give-away about his sexuality, not what he says. bfn - Wayne (I hope your course is going well!)
Peter,
You don't know me from Adam's off ox, but I have some friendly words for you. However, these words will not appear friendly at first.
My post got too long, so I will have to post it in separate parts.
Part I: I do not recall how I stumbled across your blog, but after finding your blog I was sitting outside one pleasant afternoon watching my dogs play and I read your blog from the beginning.
Now that you are 19, I would urge you to go back and actually read what you wrote when you were 16. Your initial posts about you and Alex and how you felt about Alex and what you said to Alex was like listening to a 6th grade girl carry on about a boy. If you had actually intended to engage in conduct which you intentionally calculated to drive Alex away, you could not have done a better job. I cringed at things you wrote in your posts, such as sending Alex texts that 'you won't be friends anymore.' It was middle school social drama!
When you and Alex did "things" he was 14. Boys that age are prone to do anything to get off. I once heard an expert in adolescent behavior make this statement: "What does it take to get a 14 year old boy sexually excited? If the school bus bounces off a pothole he'll get an erection. That's all it takes."
After you and Alex did "things" - the kinds of "things" that are actually quite common among straight boys, too - you engaged in some psychological projection of your feelings onto him and you convinced yourself that he was/is gay. Dude, less than three percent (3%) of the population is gay (the ten percent (10%) figure is a bullshit figure taken out of context from Kinsey's sexual studies). Never, ever assume that some boy you meet is probably gay until you've been around them for a long, long, long time and carefully listened to what they say. (I learned that lesson the hard way once when I crawled into bed with a guy who I thought was inviting me in.)
Alex was a normal, horny 14 year old who just wanted to get off. You misread that and thought it meant he was gay. By the way, when you were 16 and he was 14 you were engaging in conduct for which you could have been prosecuted as a sex offender! (I think the most outrageous case of that kind of crap I have seen came from Utah where a 10 year old got a 12 year old pregnant and they both ended up on the sex offender registry!)
When Alex said "That look of disappointment" you should have responded with a laugh and answered with a jest, something along the lines of "Is it THAT obvious?" Alex knows you are gay, and he's probably figured out that you definitely had (still have?) the hots for him. He could have called you "fag" or something, but instead he made what appears to be a little joke. If he ever brings it up directly, say directly to him, "Yeah, I would have really liked us to be boyfriends, but I know you don't want that so I just want to be a normal friend. I know I act like a flake sometimes, I'm glad you've been a good sport about it." Complete honesty.
PART II: In the future treat Alex as being straight, and act like one of his straight friends. Under those circumstances he will be more likely to want to hang out with you, although with you taking college courses now, you'll probably only see him on a few weekends and holidays.
Peter, lastly, let me tell you this. I have a son who is 19. He has told me he is gay. His mother and I divorced when he was in the 6th grade. She moved away with him and although he went to a regular school, when he was not in school he was living in a house that was isolated and there were no kids of any age anywhere close by. Does his background sound similar to your middle school years? BTW, he now lives with me and is attending the local CC. Does that sound similar to your situation? BTW, we are Presbyterians, too!
My son is, in many ways, still stuck in the 6th grade socially and emotionally. That's what I kept seeing when I read your blog, that you were still stuck in middle school socially and emotionally and you badly needed to grow up and act grown up.
I tell you about my son to let you know that I have an affinity for you and your situation. I've considered getting a Twitter account just to keep up with you and see how you get along.
I hope my words help you.
Sign me,
a friend you've never met,
Robin in Mississippi.
Gosh, those words from Robin do sound rather harsh at first, and upon second reading, even harsher. I'm glad I dont have ha friendly like that in my life!
The transference of emotional, though and belief of his situation to yours is clearly evident and perhaps helpful to you, but I'd doubt that. Remember, you are your own person, you have your own mind!!
As for his less than 3% of the population being gay shout, well that's just religious straightest bullcrap, often spouted, not born of reality. Just the same as Kinsey study was inaccurate, so is Robins.
All the best!
Didn't a lot of us tell you years ago to forget about Alex? While I agree with a lot of what your Anonymous friend says, I wouldn't waste any more time on this neighbor. You just reopen psychic wounds.
Alex is a closed chapter, Peter. Closed for reasons of your own interest and happyness. And closed by yourself. At least I thought you did so and understood the reasons. Why do you open old wounds? I agree to ever single word, Robin wrote.
Alex isn't gay and he will never have any interest in you except for hurting you. This was the meaning of his remark. And you are building up secret hopes on that remark?? Peter!!! Come back and close the chapter Alex now definitively!
HUGS
Oliver
I don't buy the guilt trip being laid on Peter for his interest in Alex. Btw the 3% figure for the homosexual population is bullshit. At least 5% are out as gay or 'bi' (another way of saying gay) and another 5-10% are hiding their sexuality. Young gay guys are competing with girls and guys for their love interest and all's fair in love and war. If a young guy discovers he likes gay sex better than str8 sex then tough luck! Also for teens of different ages engaging in sex, the law usually provides a two or three year window for consensual sexual activity (5 in Canada). Until Alex makes it plain otherwise, he is fair game for any guy or girl. Lots of straight guys spend years in their pursuit of women and gay guys are no different. Enough of the sexual hypocrisy and promoting the insult that young gay guys are 'immature' and don't have two clues about their own sexuality. bfn - Wayne :|
With regard to the percentage of gays in the general population, there are concentrations of gays which skew statistics in some areas - such as San Francisco and Seattle. For the population as whole, however, the three percent figure is accurate. There are numerous surveys which return results ranging from three percent to 14 percent, depending upon the actual questions asked in the survey. Some surveys are designed to inflate the percentage of gays in the populations because the surveys are made for political purposes. But if you will look at the demographic break of election polling after every election cycle, consistently, year in and year out, three percent of the people who actually cast votes tell exit pollsters (take your pick: ABC, CBS, CNN, NBW, NPR, NYT) they are GLBT. It's always three percent.
Five percent of the population is left-handed. Are there more gays in the population than lefties? Maybe in New York, San Francisco and Seattle, but not in the rest of the country, and especially not in rural Pennsylvania where Peter and Alex live.
Robin in Mississippi
@anonymous; you are leaving out the large percentage of people living in denial; gee, I wonder why that is? I have personally had homosexual activity with many males who I knew were gay but they married out of fear (the reason for a lot of middle-age divorces). There seems to be a helluva lot of gay porn on the Internet for just 3% of the population! Sorry, but I have lived long enough to see through the hypocrisy. - Wayne
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