Hello people who still read this :P
About a year or so ago I started talking to a guy on Grindr, the gay app thing for smartphones. We didn't really talk all that much at first apart from the random "hey how are you?"s. But shortly after Christmas we started talking more regularly and even exchanged phone numbers and added each other on Facebook. After a month of talking nearly every day we started talking about meeting up. I should mention he lives in the same city as Mom and where I go to school.
So anyway, we were talking about meeting up, but every time something would come up on my part that would prevent us from doing so. This went on for about four weeks. Finally last week we set up solid plans for Friday (yesterday). We were going to go out and run some errands he had to do, meet up with one of his friends and her boyfriend at the mall for a little bit, then he and I would go to the movies. He had everything all planned out and seemed pretty excited about it the few days leading up to Friday.
But then he sent me the following text messages a few hours before we were supposed to meet up. He's in white, I'm in green:
I still don't understand it. I think it's a bullshit excuse so there must be another reason he doesn't want to even meet up anymore. Being how I am I immediately assumed it was because of me. But then after thinking about it awhile I realized he wouldn't have planned out the whole day if he knew he wasn't going to go thru with it.
So I think maybe he got scared because he's like me: not really sure if he wants a relationship with someone yet. That is exactly how I feel. In fact, I was really nervous for weeks about meeting him because I wasn't sure where it would go and what it would lead to. I don't know if I'm ready to step out of my shell and get into a relationship with someone. Over the last couple years I've wanted it, but now that I came so close to it I'm starting to realize how much I like being single. It's not as nerve-racking.
So I'm just wondering if he feels the same way. I let him know at the end of the texting conversation I posted most of up above that I'd be around if he changed his mind. He just said "okay" and that was the end of it. I'm hoping after a few days something will change, or at least I hope we'll continue to talk to each other.
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I've recently become obsessed with The Phantom of the Opera thanks to an assignment for music class that had us pick a musical and one song from the musical and present it to the class. Dad recommended Phantom and this was my choice:
8 comments:
It sounds as if he was making too big a deal of this in his mind. Maybe you were too. Perhaps it's because you met via Grindr. But it seems to me that if you meet somebody via any sort of electronic media and enjoy your contact, then an initial real world encounter ought to be relaxed. I mean, yeah, maybe there won't be a mutual attraction, but that's okay.
IRL, you meet someone and get to know them before you ask them on a date. The first real life meeting of cyber friends should be more like the getting acquainted stage of things than the first date, IMO.
If he stays in contact with you, maybe you should make the first meeting less of an event. For example, plan to meet at a Dunkin Donuts (or whatever) for a cup of coffee. No big deal. Maybe you'll like each other enough to want to hang out for a while longer — assuming you're both free. Maybe you'll like each other enough to want to get together for coffee again sometime soon. Maybe you'll end up as friends, or in a relationship. Maybe not. But don't put the whole burden of your future lives on that first encounter.
couldn't have said it better...
Olivier
Grindr, like so many hookup services, is so filled with mopes and frauds that it is falling into disuse. The problem is that you are such a trusting and above-board person you want to think the best of people, and will not willingly give up lost causes. Why not try venues where gays meet face to face?
You will find your prince, Peter, but it won't be in what you instinctively know are the wrong places.
I think smoking is a vile, filthy, disgusting habit. My husband smokes, though, and we've been together since you were still in diapers. Dillon sounds like he's just looking for an excuse. Of course, your guess that he, too, may be nervous about having a relationship makes a lot of sense.
I don't know much about Grindr, but I doubt many people on there are looking for anything other than a hookup.
Have you guys done some video chatting? Might clear up some misunderstandings. And why plan a big 'date'? Just a get-together for a coffee and conversation would be fine for starters. I do hate cigarette smoking though and often for dating it is a deal-breaker, so he might be honest about what he is saying. - Wayne :)
Pete, I think it was more than the smoking but I don't think he ready just yet. But I don't think you should let him go that quick either! I sorry this happen, I will tell you single has it positive side but boy it doesn't out weight the positive of being with someone ... don't settle push ... if not him... change is hard, but the best things in life take work ... Settle is easy .... Hope he changes his mind. Tell him at least one date! Then if it doesn't go well , then he doesn't have to hear from you ... good luck ....
That's rough, but it does sound like the problem is on his end, not yours. The existence of that app makes me want to get a smart phone!
I'm twenty-three but soooooo behind with that kind of stuff.
I've been out for almost three years now and have had sex without ever having a relationship, so I definitely know where you're coming from on the wanting to stay single thing.
Let him go.
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