FYI: We have never even talked about liking each other, though he did say once that he had a crush on me. That's the second time he has floated the idea of us being boyfriends. I just want to be friends for now since I haven't even met him yet so he seems to be one step ahead.
Anyway, I told him he might now like me either (he doesn't know I have Bell's Palsy) and said we'd never find out until we actually meet lol. The next day he said he wanted to meet up that weekend (two weekends ago), but he got stuck being a Designated Driver for his brother. So then last week he said he wanted to meet up again that weekend (last weekend now). I jokingly said, "that's what you said last week," and he said, "this week I mean it." That was last monday, so fast forward to Friday. We were supposed to meet up but then he decided, more or less at the last minute, that we was going to hang out and spend the night at a girl friend's house because he hasn't seen her in awhile. I let him know that I was disappointed and whatnot but I didn't get angry about it (something I've learned is not a good thing to do), and he apologized twice.
Other than that I haven't talked to him since then. I texted him last night but I think it was after his bedtime because he didn't respond. I thought he might have responded first thing this morning, but he didn't. I'm hoping he texts me after school. Since he first cancelled the "date" he planned a few weeks ago, we haven't been texting as much as we used to. He used to send me "good morning" texts and stuff but hasn't after what happened a few weeks ago, so I started sending them and we'd talk for a little bit in the morning before he went off to school. I haven't been awake in the early morning lately to send them to him.
All through this he calls me "hunny" and "babe" which is kinda weird I think. Maybe that's because they're tradition pet names for girls :P
Anyway, since we're talking less and less I think this will all eventually fizzle out. Which is what usually happens...
I gotta run to my last class of the day, and then go home and make beer bread for tomorrow.
Later, gators.
6 comments:
When a person makes a commitment, they are supposed to keep it if they can. For example, if someone says, I'll see you Friday evening, they should see you Friday evening unless something happens that makes it impossible for them to come (such as the Pope calls them to Rome, or their car breaks down, or they are hospitalized). Never should they just decide on their own to do something different.
Deciding to see the girl friend after he'd already said (which means promised, in this sort of situation) that he'd see you is just plain wrong, unless she was going away for six months on Saturday morning.
So you know two things. He's a complete boor; keeping his word isn't important to him; and he's inconsiderate. (Actually that's more like two and a half, since they kind of overlap.)
Why does he behave so badly? I'm guessing that he's interested but scared.
It could fizzle out, as you say. If it's to go anywhere — if I'm right about why he acts like that — there has to be a way to get past the scaredness. Maybe an ultimatum would work. He's felt he could back out because it wasn't going to have any bad consequences (other than postponing the meeting). But if it's his last chance, he won't feel the same way about it.
So my suggestion would be, if he suggests getting together and you agree on a time, tell him that you really want to meet him and you hope that you'll like each other in person but you can't stand having your hopes raised and dashed over and over, so if he's ever going to meet you he has to keep his word this time. Of course, there are several possible results. Ideally, that cuts through the scaredness, and you get to meet. But he could get all upset and call it off right then, or he could agree, but still stand you up. So it could keep things from fizzling out by finally getting you to meet or it could keep it from fizzling out by putting a quick end to it.
The question for you to think about, IMO, is whether you want to "keep hope alive" as long as possible or whether you want to end the uncertainty. It's up to you.
When I started writing this, I was simply angry at Dillon for the way he was treating you, but now I'm also saddened to realize how disappointing this all is for you.
*hugs*
P.S. I hope the bread turns out great.
Come on, Peter! If it looks like bullshit and smells like it too, it is bullshit. Stop wasting your time on this mope.
The phrase I don't like is 'Girl friend'; if this guy is playing the 'bi' game then you are really wasting your time. You want a guy who is 100% homosexually inclined with no head games. Of course you want a gay guy who is your type. Are there some gay social circles at your university? Maybe time to dip your toe in the water. You need to circulate to improve your odds. Either that or quit f**king around and insist this guy meet you and have some honest conversation. If you guys are not compatible then don't take it to heart and move on. Straight guys have the same issues with meeting girl friends too so don't think it is just you. Spring is here so get out and have some fun. - Wayne :)
@ Wayne — I take "girl friend" to be different from "girlfriend." With "girl friend" it's a friend who is a girl — not a sexual relationship — whereas I think "girlfriend" implies that it's romantic.
@ Peter — Thinking some more about this, I wonder if you aren't more likely to find someone if you first meet irl. I mean, among the many people you encounter every day, someone comes along whom you enjoy being with and who enjoys being with you. That enjoyment can be almost instantaneous — what we call "hitting it off" — or it can develop more slowly. But either way, that first encounter doesn't come with the built in question, "Is this someone who could be right for me over the long term" which means that any relationship can develop over time with no pressure. It can be whatever it is at any point without even having to have a label put on it, and at least for some time you don't have to wonder or ask where it is going. It's much more relaxed and natural, IMO.
I think its interesting that you mentioned that he might not even like you -- and then half implied that he might not like you because of the bells palsy. This is interesting to me and maybe I just don't get it because I don't know you in real life-- is this a big psychological blocker for you? Are you particularly self conscious about it? I imagine yes, but I guess I don't really know anyone with it so I don't really understand how present it is. Though in any case, if that is a reason that anyone would "not like you" -- then good riddance. Thats insanity.
In any case -- to NGs point -- I don't think he is really necessarily being inconsiderate he's just a 17 yo gay kid -- theyre all flippant and scared etc. I wouldn't hold it against him.
steve
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