I don't want this pain anymore. Please take it away. The only person that could probably doesn't want anything to do with me. I get it. I really do. I'd go to the end of the world and back just to have you in my arms one more time. I promise I won't mess up this time. I promise. You just can't see the pain I go through... Goodnight. Not a good night for me...
Assuming I'm right about my theory (that post is a big clue), is there anything I can do as a friend to maybe help him through this?
I hate seeing people hurting like that :(
5 comments:
Does he know that you see his facebook page or twitter? If not, it's not going to be easy for you to say anything direct.
If he does know, the main point that he needs to understand is that if the former bf doesn't come back, time is his best friend, and the best thing he can do for himself is to try to let go, rather than clinging to the memories. You know what it feels like to want a relationship with someone who doesn't share your feelings, so you can empathize with his feelings.
The main thing is to encourage him that he can get through this, but avoid giving him a false hope that if he just says the right thing or does the right thing, the bf will come back to him. Eventually, he has to realize that he can't control the other guy's feelings, and he has to accept the way things are, but it's not the end of the world even though it feels like it right now.
If he doesn't know that you know about those other sites, then you have to be indirect. Look for hints about how he feels when he sends you messages, and try to say something useful. If I remember, he's mentioned that he was in a relationship before. Maybe you could bring that up: ask him how he feels about the ex, or how it ended, or whatever. That may get him to tell you more about how he feels, and you could respond to that.
BTW, if he turns to you as a "rebound," that's not generally a sound basis for a lasting relationship.
I think it's very good of you to want to help him feel better.
I share your reaction of "empathy" and I too hate seeing people that I care about in pain.
I don't think there is really anything you can do. You guys aren't really friends -- you've never met in real life. In his world (just as in yours) -- you are a "potential friend" or a "potential boyfriend" or "some projection of what I want another gay boy to be like". So while you might be able to mitigate some of his pain -- I think it would only be because he would be substituting the "idea" of another gay boy for his lack of a boyfriend. He needs his close friends to comfort him. If you actually like the idea of having some sort of relationship with him -- then I totally agree with NG -- you need to give that some time. You will certainly be a "rebound" guy and that will *only end in pain for you*. Let me reiterate: one of my first "real" relationships (or what I thought was real at the time) was with a guy who had been dumped two months prior. I thought "well two months is a long time" so Im not a rebound guy. They had been together for two years. Two months was _nowhere_ long enough to recover from two years. I "fell in love" for a few months and then I got dumped and it was horrible. He didn't intend for that to happen and things started really well -- but it happened and it was terrible. Please learn from your elder gays -- dont make the same mistakes I did ;)
Love,
Steve
Maybe before Dillon moans too much over his old bf he should imagine him 20yrs from now with a big belly and a bald head lol. Time has a way of turning the tables. You know the cliche 'The best cure for a lost love is a new one!' is so true. Time for you to swoop in. - Wayne :)
I think you need to come clean with him. Tell him, you wouldn't put no pressure but you like to start from friends that you understand his heartache and like just hang out and be friends! That you will not by no means want to pressure him on anything other than being a friend at this time. But you like the chance to become friends at least and be there for him, cause he doesn't need to be alone ! Then if things change for him after some time maybe move forward ... if not at-least you made another friend
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