The story of a gay 18 year old, now 21, embarking on the journey of life...
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
The Hunt
Ok, so a couple posts ago there was something in the comments about me looking for a boyfriend or something of that nature.
To be honest, that's probably one of the last things on my mind right now. I mean, sure it'd be really nice to have one but I'm more concerned with school. Honestly, I'm not even actively looking for one.
It's good to know that you are content. That is such an improvement over your state the first time I read your blog and for a long time thereafter. I'm really happy for you, Peter. Things seem to be going so well.
I think it is like shopping; you can never find exactly what you want. But sometimes you find exactly what you want when you are not looking for it. Don't ignore possible friendships that can develope into something more. 'Content' gets boring after a while. bfn - Wayne :)
ok, Peterboy, I'm content that you feel content. Huge improuvement compared to your troubled "Alex period", if I may say. I'm really glad for you, I think you made a good way. And: you're right, don't put you under any pressure (exept for school), life is much more easy. This said, I'm shure you will hook up on someone when you don't expect it. Life is as that.
So, dear Peterboy, stay awake till you find someone who wakes you up! Ok? :) HUGS Oliver
I am content as well. What I challenge myself with constantly is deciding if im (a) not looking for anyone because its not and shouldnt be a priority in my life right now or (b) i dont want to deal with another person taking up that much of my time or (c) im too afraid and insecure.
(a) would be fine to me, and I lean towards that most days. (b) is ok too-- though maybe selfish and short-sighted. (c) is stupid and a bad excuse. All that being said, I know that I would like more (just a few more) friendships, etc. I have some great friends that somehow put up with me and my busy, quazi-antisocial schedule. I just fear that in five years I will look back and regret some decisions. I think this is a healthy fear.
One bit of "sage wisdom" from someone just a _few_ years past where you are: at almost every point in my life that I can remember since I was a teenager, I always felt _very_ confident that I knew what I wanted. I thought I have this all figured out-- I'm smart and I don't fall into the drama and BS that most people do. And for the most part all of that was true-- I never did silly stuff like get into countless trivial fights-- normal teenager crap. So I always felt like "i was right" in how I was leading my life-- in all things: school, social, etc. Though I have found that as I got older I would almost always look back and regret some things. In general, I'm very happy with how my life is going and with the decisions I made. But there have always been some things (socially and with school) that I would've done differently had I been able to rewind. This is profound-- it means that with all of my self-assuredness-- it was false. I was wrong, when I thought I was right. This is expected--this is growth, maturity, and hindsight. But its still useful to remember that the feelings of "right" and the comfort of believing youre right are usually wrong in some way. Ergo, don't get too comfortable with your decision making. Your mind will change perspectives as you get older-- it should. If it doesn't, then you're not growing-- not learning, and that would really be a waste.
The problem with the last bit there is that you can't appreciate how profound it really is until you experience-- and it's too late :/ That's the bitch of living.
6 comments:
It's good to know that you are content. That is such an improvement over your state the first time I read your blog and for a long time thereafter. I'm really happy for you, Peter. Things seem to be going so well.
I think it is like shopping; you can never find exactly what you want. But sometimes you find exactly what you want when you are not looking for it. Don't ignore possible friendships that can develope into something more. 'Content' gets boring after a while. bfn - Wayne :)
You might like this vid from Youtube - Wayne :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-LG5lPy-n8
ok, Peterboy, I'm content that you feel content. Huge improuvement compared to your troubled "Alex period", if I may say. I'm really glad for you, I think you made a good way. And: you're right, don't put you under any pressure (exept for school), life is much more easy. This said, I'm shure you will hook up on someone when you don't expect it. Life is as that.
So, dear Peterboy, stay awake till you find someone who wakes you up! Ok? :)
HUGS
Oliver
I'm really pleased for you.
To be content with ones lot in life, is a great situation to be in, a lovely place to stay for a while.
content is good.
I am content as well. What I challenge myself with constantly is deciding if im (a) not looking for anyone because its not and shouldnt be a priority in my life right now or (b) i dont want to deal with another person taking up that much of my time or (c) im too afraid and insecure.
(a) would be fine to me, and I lean towards that most days. (b) is ok too-- though maybe selfish and short-sighted. (c) is stupid and a bad excuse. All that being said, I know that I would like more (just a few more) friendships, etc. I have some great friends that somehow put up with me and my busy, quazi-antisocial schedule. I just fear that in five years I will look back and regret some decisions. I think this is a healthy fear.
One bit of "sage wisdom" from someone just a _few_ years past where you are: at almost every point in my life that I can remember since I was a teenager, I always felt _very_ confident that I knew what I wanted. I thought I have this all figured out-- I'm smart and I don't fall into the drama and BS that most people do. And for the most part all of that was true-- I never did silly stuff like get into countless trivial fights-- normal teenager crap. So I always felt like "i was right" in how I was leading my life-- in all things: school, social, etc. Though I have found that as I got older I would almost always look back and regret some things. In general, I'm very happy with how my life is going and with the decisions I made. But there have always been some things (socially and with school) that I would've done differently had I been able to rewind. This is profound-- it means that with all of my self-assuredness-- it was false. I was wrong, when I thought I was right. This is expected--this is growth, maturity, and hindsight. But its still useful to remember that the feelings of "right" and the comfort of believing youre right are usually wrong in some way. Ergo, don't get too comfortable with your decision making. Your mind will change perspectives as you get older-- it should. If it doesn't, then you're not growing-- not learning, and that would really be a waste.
The problem with the last bit there is that you can't appreciate how profound it really is until you experience-- and it's too late :/ That's the bitch of living.
Much Love,
Steve
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