Just got back from being with Alex. :D
Yeah, here we go on the up section of the roller-coaster again. He was out with his other friends again. I went over because the one who I bought pop (that's what us Pennsylvanians call it. You probably say soda or something) for yesterday said he would pay me back if he saw me today.
What a surprise! He didn't pay me back!
*rolls eyes*
Again Alex wasn't really paying any attention to me. His other friends were though. Grrrr. There were some 'gay' jokes thrown out, but none were directed at me. That tells me that the one yesterday was just a random one.
After his friends left, Alex started paying attention to me. I watched him and his sister play catch. Then she went in, and he and I kicked the hockey puck around. After awhile of this, he had to go in and eat supper, watch the hockey game, do homework, then they are going bowling.
There were no "gay" signals coming from him today. The only interesting thing he did was call me "Pete." He usually doesn't take off the "r" when he says my name.
So, basically I feel good about us again. I wonder how long it will take before the roller-coaster reaches the top of the hill and starts downward again. :\
Please read the other two posts I made today and comment if you haven't already.
7 comments:
peter
i am happy you are happy but fo rhow long you might need to temper your thoguts about any possible relationships with alex
unless of course you take Josh's suggestion because if he is gay he isn't ready yet and if he is not i am worried about how much you maybe hurt some day
that being said i completely understand how you are holding onto to the person you want to be with i really undestand that
take care and be safe
bob
I'm glad you had an enjoyable time for a while, but it still sounds like "friendly acquaintance" to me.
BTW, we used to call it "tonic" when I was a boy. I'm pretty sure that isn't used much anymore — probably soda as displaced it to a large extent. But I'm not sure because I don't talk about it (except to refer to specific brands of cola).
Couple of thoughts. First, forget Alex. This just isn't going anywhere but up and down the roller coaster, and he sounds too immature for you anyway. it sounds like you spend your whole life either on the computer, looking out the window wondering about Alex, or at church. Peter, you need to seriously expand your horizons.
Second, about school in the fall. I read all the reasons you don't go to school and personally I think they're bogus. Peter, I'm sorry, but that's the way I feel. You sadi the school is a poor one, but I'll remind you that STUDENTS take standardized tests, not SCHOOLS. If you live where I think you do, my guess is your school district has always been sort of blue collar adn the culture has been go to school get the diploma and the next day walk down to the factory, or the plant, or the quarry, or the mine and hire on. Join the union, work hard, and retire. Well, the quarry closed, the mine tapped out, and all the factories moved to China and India, but the mind-set of the population hasn't changed.
Peter, there are teachers at this school who will bend over backwards and dance for joy over a talented and bright boy who honestly WANTS to learn. The education is there in your school for the taking, you just are afraid to go get it. And standardized test scores are AVERAGES Peter... so if your school scores low, that just means that for every two stupid kids there's only one smart one.
But for your own personal growth and emotional maturity I think it is absolutely A MUST that you get out and go to public high school for your senior year. If for no other reason than to expand your horizons. You're not the only gay boy in your area, but you'll never discover any of the others by peeping through your curtains and mooning over that dweeb across the street.
And get off the roller coaster.... your ticket's expired.
Love
Josh
Spoken like a person who doesn't know the first thing about where I live, anything about the local school district, or anything about cyber school.
I really find it funny how people bash cyber school even though they know nothing about it.
No, I'm not going to a "normal" school for senior year. No, I'm not going to completely forget Alex.
And where is this advice coming from all of a sudden? Especially after you said last week that I can "control" the way I want things to go.
Well Pete, I gave you the best advice I could. It was given honestly and believe it or not, in the spirit of friendship and caring. Sorry if it touched a nerve.
If you're happy with your life as it is, so be it.
BBTW It looks as if you should acquire a hockey stick. Can your brother lend you one, is there one lying around the house, can you buy one at a price you can afford? Save those feet and toes! lol
I *do* agree with Josh that you should get off the roller coaster. Easier said than done, but if you find yourself hoping for a closer relationship with Alex than what's there right now,remind yourself that it doesn't seem to be in the cards and you'd be better off not wasting any effort on it or getting your hopes up. And if you have a pleasant chat or a good time playing hockey, don't fall into the trap of hoping that something better can come if you just nudge things along. Just let it be what it is.
And I think the lawn-mowing business is a good move in the direction of widening your horizons. So go for it!
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