... if someone is gay?
I always hear all this talk about 'gaydar.' I know what it is, but I don't have it. :(
So, what are ways to tell if a person is gay? Or even bi? What are the signs gay people give off.
Why is a gay person asking this question FFS! LOL
I've read that there is no sure way unless you ask the person. But what if you can't risk asking them? Then what?
I can use this knowledge when I'm with Alex. But if things don't go the way I've always hoped with Alex (ie relationship), then I can use it on other people.
How many people think Alex might be gay/bi anyway? Mirrorboy says gay, NG says straight.
I'm still confused.
LOL
13 comments:
Gaydar is kind of nebulous. It seems to me that some people are highly sensitive to subtle clues in the way someone behaves: how he moves, how he speaks, how he looks at other men, how he dresses. It may not even be conscious. I think that may be "gaydar" in the strict sense. And I think either you've got it or you don't.
But I also think that experience can make a person more aware of vocal inflections which are typical of gays, slightly exaggerated gestures, unusually stylish and elegant clothing, staring at other guys. The problem is that none of these things prove that someone is gay. Somebody might be a metrosexual, or just a little bit effeminate.
Straight guys even experiment sexually with other guys sometimes.
So I don't think you will ever be sure about Alex unless he tells you. I mean, there are all sorts of hypothetical situations that can give an indication, such as he gets to be 35 without having seemed seriously interested in women and he spends all his free time with the guys and he's always touching them. But realistically, all you can do is wait and see, and meanwhile treat him as straight, to be safe.
After a while you can tell he's camping with you by the way he looks at you.
One clue a guy might be gay is if you see him with another guy's dick in his mouth.
Seriously, though, some folks it's easy to tell but plenty are not. Pretty helpful answer, huh?
I definitely get a feel for body language and voice affectation but that doesn't mean I'm always right.
For example, I saw Lance Bass from *NSYNC on some tv show several years ago. I turned to Phil and said something like, "No way he likes pussy." And a couple of years later, I found I was right!
There's only one way you can be sure, and it usually happens when you're in bed with them. But how do you get that far? Take a BIG risk, or just keep wondering....
I've known totally effeminate guys who are straight, and ultra-butch guys who are gay. But the chances of a straight acting guy in the straight world being gay are pretty slim. Sorry, but I'm a pessimist on that.
We're at the beach again this weekend and I'm just waiting for the other three to wake up so we can eat and start the day. They'll sleep forever if I let them.
All we know here is what you've told us, okay? So this is based on what I have read. I think you're driving yourself crazy over this situation and the sooner you get a resolution one way or the other the better it will be for you.
My best advice is to forget Alex. you two have a tepid to lukewarm friendship as it is, and you don't like his other friends at all, and he's not leaving them to be with you, trust me. A relationship? Peter, that's not even remotely in the cards, okay? EVEN IF something happened and you went to bed together, high school relationships end with high school unless there's real concerted effort on the part of both guys to keep things going into college. From what you've written, Alex has nowhere shown any maturity level even close to that needed to sustain a relationship.
Sex? Well, he looked at you dick when you told him you had a boner, and then you deliberately got another one and told him and he looked at it again. That's a clue. Not convicting evidence, just a clue.
There's no such thing as reliable gaydar. Sometimes you can get a feeling about a guy, and I've always watched their eyes. If his eyes drift to your crotch, he's a candidate for further thought. But I've known boys who were so girly you would swear they were gay, but weren't; and I've known butch studly boys and captains of school athletic teams who suck cock like they're starving.
Bottom line? You have to either fish or cut bait here. Get a boner in church again and then TALK ABOUT IT. "Caught ya looking!" Ha ha you could say. see where it goes. "Wanna see it for real?" "Bet you got one too!" "Feel like jerkin' off?" "I love jerkin' off." "I jerk off alot, how about you.?" Peter, he's not going to be the one to engineer this thing, you have to get it rolling. Yes, there's a risk. Maybe he isn't interested and tells his friends you came onto him. Just deny it, it's your word against his. In five days everyone will be onto the newest high school drama and forget all about it. But it seems to me you've got nothing to lose anyway. It's not like you're best buddies or anything, right? Or is he your best buddy becasue you don't have any other buddies?
Which brings me to something you and I have IM'ed about. Peter, IMHO you need to go to public high school for senior year. For SO MANY reasons. Home schooling is okay, but part of becoming mature is learning to interact with your own peer group. Peter, lil' bro, it hurts to say this to you, but the more I read here about all this, I'm getting the idea you are a bit behind socially. you need to get out and expand your horizons, and going back to high school will help.
I could go on but Hank's awake. See, he's an interesting case too. He's "str8" but he's brought at least two fuck flicks this weekend, and if things run true to previous weekends, he'll suggest watching them, and then start the clues he wants to circle jerk again. It'll be fun tonight, and I think rooming with those two next year is gonna be interesting.
Fondly, and with hugs,
Josh
ummm..... what josh said :-)
Josh brings up an interesting point. Do you mind telling us if your parents are religious fundamentalists?
I just asked Dad what a religious fundamentalist is. He said, "Obnoxious?"
So the answer to your question is no. They are not.
Why?
I had occasionally thought that it might be good for you to be in school with other kids. Can't recall if I ever mentioned it. But now that Josh brings it up, I'll just say that I feel the same way he does.
I sorta had the feeling that it was out of the question for some reason, but I don't know what the reason is.
If you don't want to talk about it here, maybe we can chat later on.
Some fundamentalists home school their children because they don't like the values that are inculcated by the public schools. Other people have different reasons for disliking the schools and choose home schooling or cyber schooling.
I think I covered this in my old blog. It may have been one of the posts I deleted.
I (as in me, not anyone else) chose to do cyberschool because I wanted to live here after my dad had heart problems, and he was usually at home by himself most of the time (my other brother who lived here at the time worked all day everyday).
The local school district is pretty much a total failure. They score very low on the state tests (one of the lowest in the state). There is a joke around here that says when a college sees the name of the school district on an application, they immediately throw it away.
That is why I didn't want to go back there once I moved back. My mom, who works in a school and knows a lot about education and all that, agreed with my decision for the same reasons.
And I can't go back to my old school since that involves moving away from here again (or waking up at 5 a.m. every morning). That kinda defeats the purpose of coming back here in the first place.
That all makes good sense.
Unfortunately it does leave you pretty much fixated on Alex, for lack of anybody else around.
Peter--
I'm sorry to pry, but I did think it possible that your folks didn't want you to go to school for religious reasons, which would be a significant impediment to your attending public school. Church functions seem to be a big part of your life. By the way, if you want to get a tutorial on living with fundamentalists, ask Landyn about his parents.
Your gaydar may say someone is gay, but they might not be gay to you. If some cute guy asked if I were gay, I would smile and answer honestly. If some fat drag queen supervisor asked if I were gay, I'd tell him emphatically NO.
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